By: Dr. Isabella Contolini
Editor’s note: In today’s blog, Dr. Isabella Contolini writes about an inspiring conversation she had with Tony and Thea,* a married couple who shared their journey learning about the strengths, myths, and ultimate joys of using fertility awareness-based methods (FABMs). Dr. Contolini, a resident in pediatrics in Oklahoma, conducted this interview earlier this year while she was enrolled in the FACTS Medical Student Elective. Tony, who is also in medical school, andThea beautifully conveyed the freedom and trust that come from using FABMs as a couple, even when navigating a busy season involving medical school and full-time work in newly-married life. If you are student or resident interested in learning more, please register for our FACTS elective or join us on Friday, night, November 20th, for a student social hour following the first night of our FACTS Virtual Conference. Register by this Sunday, November 15th.
I had the pleasure of interviewing a married couple, Tony and Thea, while enrolled in the FACTS student elective. At the time of our interview, they had been married for just over three years and had two young children. Tony had been in medical school since they married, and Thea had been working full time to support their growing family. They graciously shared their experiences, wisdom, and lessons learned from using fertility awareness-based methods (FABMs).
Starting out on the journey
Tony and Thea chose FABMs primarily for faith-based reasons and first learned how to use them while dating.
“The biggest thing I was into was learning about my body,” Thea said. “I was 21 when I started charting, and I thought it was crazy that I had been having my period for six years and didn’t know anything about how it worked.”
She had been on oral contraceptive pills early in their relationship and became even more motivated to use FABMs when she noticed how much better she felt after stopping them. She acknowledged that forgoing hormonal contraceptives was intimidating at first, but as she learned more, the benefits became more appealing and the drawbacks more manageable.
“She had been on oral contraceptive pills early in their relationship, and became even more motivated to use FABMs when she noticed how much better she felt after stopping them.”
Tony and Thea began charting with the Sympto-Thermal Method (STM).
“We chose that because it was the cheapest, and Thea didn’t want to pee on a stick,” Tony said while Thea chuckled in agreement.
They received training in STM through a class at their church and received counseling from a mentor couple through the Couple to Couple League. At first they used an oral basal body temperature thermometer, but Thea’s irregular work and sleep schedule made it hard to get accurate data. They soon switched to using the TempDrop, an armband temperature monitor worn overnight that synced its data to a mobile app. They found it much easier to use and more reliable and appreciated that they could also use the app to track other symptoms. To stay involved, Tony asked Thea daily about her symptoms and recorded the data, a practice their mentor couple recommended that they found hugely beneficial.
“At first they used an oral basal body temperature thermometer, but Thea’s irregular work and sleep schedule made it hard to get accurate data, (so) they soon switched to using …an armband temperature monitor worn overnight that synced its data to a mobile app.”
An Ongoing Discussion
Tony and Thea easily learned the STM and successfully avoided pregnancy. But getting on the same page about their goals proved somewhat more challenging.
“When we first got married, I said ‘We can not get pregnant during med school because it won’t work financially.’ So we abstained strictly for the first six months,” Thea said.
Tony, however, was more open to the idea of starting their family during medical school. They noted that it was hard emotionally to avoid the times of the month when it’s most natural to desire intercourse and agreed that this caused some strain in their relationship. Thea became more open to the idea of starting their family.
“We weren’t so strict about it, and I wasn’t shutting it down before it started,” Thea said. “Then we ‘risked it’ by two days and got pregnant.”
Tony and Thea emphasized that during this process, they learned to discuss their reasons for avoiding pregnancy in depth and checked in with each other monthly to ensure they were on the same page. They believe this growing openness and willingness to change plans strengthened their relationship. They began to see family planning as an ongoing discussion rather than a single long-term decision.
“Tony and Thea emphasized that during this process, they learned to discuss their reasons for avoiding pregnancy in depth and checked in with each other monthly to ensure they were on the same page. .. (which) strengthened their relationship.”
A Different Mindset
Tony and Thea’s shifting goals, motivations, and priorities show how using FABMs can foster a distinctive mindset about family planning. Only a few months after their first baby was born, they found out they were expecting again. Most medical professionals would see this as a failure and shortcoming of FABMs, but Tony and Thea stressed that it was not.
“Tony and Thea’s shifting goals, motivations, and priorities show how using FABMs can foster a distinctive mindset about family planning.”
The second time they got pregnant, they weren’t strictly trying to avoid pregnancy. They said it wasn’t because they were doing it wrong or using it right and got pregnant by mistake. In other words, neither user error nor method failure was to blame. Rather, their second pregnancy, like their first, was the result of ongoing conversation as a couple.
“Both times we’ve gotten pregnant, we had recently had a conversation of, ‘we could totally get pregnant right now, and we’re open to it,’ so it was a beautiful thing to learn about [those pregnancies] and recently have had those conversations,” Thea said.
This stands in stark contrast to other forms of family planning, which are conventionally treated as a one-time decision made by only one partner.
Living in the gray
Since the recent birth of their second child, Tony and Thea have started charting again, intending to avoid pregnancy for the time being. They are now using the Marquette Method, which they have heard is more accurate postpartum (and Thea no longer has any qualms about peeing on a stick). They have also realized that, for them, using FABMs means living in the gray. The strengthened communication, deep knowledge of each other, and trust that using FABMs has fostered made them more open to the unbidden, so they do not feel the need to have a definitive plan for the future.
I am deeply grateful to Tony and Thea for sharing their story. Their journey has given me a deeper appreciation for how FABMs complement each couple’s unique relationship and circumstances in a way that is truly empowering.
*Fictitious names were used to respect the privacy of the interviewees. All information shared with permission.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Isabella Contolini is a fourth-year medical student at Rocky Vista University College of Osteopathic Medicine – Colorado campus. She completed an undergraduate degree in biology at the University of Denver and worked in EMS for 2 years before beginning medical school. She plans to pursue residency training in pediatrics and is interested in rural medicine, global health, and health education. She enrolled in the FACTS elective in order to gain a greater understanding of the medical applications of charting. She plans to use charting in her future practice to educate adolescent girls about their cycles and empower them to have greater awareness and insight into their bodies as the foundation of lifelong reproductive health. In her free time, she enjoys swimming, reading, and spending time in the mountains in every season!
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